don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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