It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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