toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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