Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
