its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
