cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
