Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
