wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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