I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
