I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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