One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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