it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
