Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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