The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
