Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
