I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
