All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
