It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize