haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
