I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
