man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
