Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
