so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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