So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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