She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's never too late to be topless.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
