if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's the barista slut.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
