Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
