Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
