And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
