Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
