I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
