Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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