Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
