you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
