Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
