i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My dick has a subreddit
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
