real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was born a porn star she said
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize