you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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