Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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