how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
