hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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