Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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