I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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