Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize