Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
