i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
