a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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