He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if only i could text you this smell
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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