but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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