Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
