so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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