Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize