At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
