AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize