hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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