i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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