you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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