i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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