who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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