i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
