She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
