Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
