hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do herpes really smell.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
