oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
