are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
