thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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