fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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