..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
