You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
soo... how was my night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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