lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
