i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
