Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
