Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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