u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How's work?
Spinning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
