That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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