My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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