when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize