i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
