pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
