I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
