I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
