i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
