Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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