I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize