Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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