; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize