My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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