Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
