Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
