New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
