well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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