you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
