the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
