Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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