my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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