Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
