I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got carded by a ten year old.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
