We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
