Umm I'm too high to move.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
