You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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