you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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