sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you had me at cake vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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