Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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