Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize